Friday, December 31, 2010

Waterpark of America

Yesterday since my niece and nephew were in town staying with us for a few days, we all went to the Waterpark of America. Romeo, my brother and his girlfriend and I all went on a family raft ride which was really fun. I like the fact that Romeo is at the age now where he isn't afraid to try the big things and he really enjoys them. Olivia and cousin Midas's favorite was the lazy river. Cousin Raina liked the wave pool the best.Grandma didn't really want to swim and just hung out on the side with baby Gabriel. Once I realized that
the water was super warm and that the place was really hot, knowing how much my Lil peanut enjoys water I decided to let him try swimming for the first time. He seemed to really like it. Afterwards he was so worn out, he crashed out for a Lil nap, he was so cute. Here are some pictures from our adventure, the only one missing was daddy, but he had to work. It was a nice family day, and a nice end to the children's winter break. I am sure going to miss not having to take them to and from school each morning especially since that means not sleeping in with Gabriel anymore since he has become such an awesome snoozer.



Gabriel's first time swimming





Olivia and I on the lazy river

Someone coming off the waterslide lol



Romeo, Midas and friend Robert playing chess

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Our little handful

When Romeo was a baby, he was spoiled. That was him in one word. I blame us and our close family but mainly us. Most people will say that it was because we were young but even though that was the case that wasn't the reason he was spoiled. We were very good parents for being so young but like most first time parents we were just guilty of being inexperienced and letting him get away with everything. My grandma told me that she read somewhere that your first child is your learning child and that you should be able to throw that one away and start over (obviously a joke). Other than being spoiled he wasn't a "hard baby".

When Olivia was born we did things a lot differently. She was on a feeding schedule, slept in her own bed and was such an easy baby you could have had ten of her and wouldn't even have noticed. She just had such an easy going demeanor from birth.

This time around has been different and I would have to say Gabriel is our little handful. The first few weeks of life he was pretty laid back but after that things got hard. First with weeks of pain from his condition he was extremely fussy but when we found out what he had been going through it all made sense. After his surgery we thought that things would change since he was feeling better. He has changed in the sense that he noticeably feels better and we can actually put him down and console him when hes fussy but he still is our fussy little guy and does so quite often. I have taken him to the doctor a few times to rule out other things since surgery but with a clean bill of health the doctor says she thinks he has been suffering from colic.

Colic is defined as an otherwise healthy baby that cries for 3 hours a day for 3 days in a row for at least 3 weeks consistently. They say babies with colic ball up their fists and pull their legs up to their chests and wail in the early evening hours for hours and then are fine...That's not Gabriel, he doesn't do any of that so I really wouldn't label him colicky. Instead I think that he just had a rough start and is trying to figure things out in this new world and fussing is his only way to communicate right now. So while hes doing that I don't get a lot done during the day which has been a little hard for me to not be able to just march to the beat of my own drum like I used to. I'm getting used to it though and realize that its just a stage and that he will grow out of it.

If it is indeed some form of mild colic though the doctor assured me that at 100 days old it goes away. Well tomorrow he is 100 days old so if that is the case we will have a whole new baby in the new year lol. You know what, it really doesn't matter, I love him so much that he could cry every second of every day and I wouldn't trade him for the world. Besides that Prob and I are a great team and we just take everything in stride. Gabriel is out to prove me wrong though because since I have been writing this he has been contently playing under his baby gym...go figure (:

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Welcome back sleep...we missed you

"You will live to sleep again". That was something I read in a parenting book and thought was pretty funny because I knew it was true but sometimes you feel so exhausted with a new baby that you do feel there are days that you won't make it. For about the last four nights we are sleeping well once again. Gabriel is only getting up once at night now and Prob and I take turns so that each of us is now getting a full nights sleep every other night. It's wonderful to wake up feeling refreshed and have the energy to be productive. I have a lot of things to tackle that I haven't had the energy for, like a mountain of laundry, cleaning the basement so that our new freezer has a good spot and just general cleaning. I am a very neat and organized person and the fact that I have been slacking on these things really doesn't sit well with me because I feel like if my house is messy and unorganized, I feel messy and unorganized.

Also on the list, ICE SKATING since every day I get asked about 100 times when we are going again and yesterday we got the children's skates sharpened so I can't use that as an excuse not to go. The one thing I did get done already was that I put away all the Christmas stuff already so I'm glad to not have that to do.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Proud Mommy

Yesterday Gabriel had his first talkative day. Though he has been cooing for sometime, they had mainly just been single very low sounding ooh's, kinda like he couldn't get them out. On 12-21-10 he turned 3 months old and had a first little giggle too. I love these moments, they are so precious and I just had to share this video 

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A day in the life of an elf and The birds and the bees

This afternoon we took the children to the holiday display "A day in the life of an elf" at the Macy's in Minneapolis. We had seen it a few years back but decided we'd like to see it again. At the end of the adventure we saw Santa.

On our way home while stuck in traffic we decided it was a good time to have the birds and the bees talk with Romeo.(Olivia and baby were sleeping) We had been going back and forth for quite some time about if it was the right time and how to initiate the subject. I had read an article in the Parents magazine about the right age and how to go about it so that was helpful information.

When I found out I was pregnant, the children were still under the impression that the stork drops off the baby or thought that the doctor just cut it out. I decided then it was time to tell them the truth and it went very well. This conversation also went well. Olivia woke up while we were explaining things to Romeo so we talked with her as well.

One of our reasons for wanting to talk to them about it now is because we figured with all the things on television and in songs and boys and girls starting to notice each other in school that they probably knew something about it already. To my surprise they really didn't know much.

We didn't get into too much detail but told them the basics. Olivia thought it was gross and Romeo was a little weirded out. It was much easier than I expected though and I think it went well overall. I think it was a good icebreaker for future questions they may have.

For now they didn't have many questions about it but with Romeo approaching the age of liking girls and puberty, I just wanted him to know that he can talk to us about anything. I want them both to always feel comfortable coming to us with their questions whether it be about sex, friends, school, whatever it is because that's what we are here for as their parents, to guide them and to be there for them through everything.  I want us to do the best we can because we are shaping the future and that is not to be taken lightly, that's something I always keep in my mind and so far I think we are doing a pretty good job.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Ice skating for the first time

 
Starting out




  
Today since Prob had the day off, we decided we would take the children ice skating for the first time. Romeo has been saying that he wanted to try it and since the weather was supposed to be nice we thought it would be a good day for it. We did try taking Romeo once before when he was 5 but back then at that age he didn't have the patience for it and he didn't like it at all. 

I wasn't sure what to expect with how they would like it but to my delight they absolutely loved it! When we first got there Romeo took off running on the ice and fell but just got right back up and off he went again. When Olivia first got on the ice she held onto the walls and had no idea on how to balance herself so Prob and I helped her. At first she wouldn't let go of us but soon enough she built up the courage to let go and skate by herself.

 It was such a joy to watch how happy they were and funny to watch Olivia laugh at herself every time she fell. She would just laugh and laugh. It's good that she was such a good sport because that was pretty much what the experience consisted most of, falling and getting back up, but they didn't care, they had so much fun. After being there about two hours we had to leave to pickup Gabriel who  had spent some time with Grandma and great grandma. The kids didn't want to leave and now this evening all we've been hearing is,"Can we go skating again tomorrow?"

Looks like we are going to have to start fitting skating into our schedule and two nice things about that are that there is a nice rink at the children's school and the fact that the Grandma's coincidentally bought the children ice skates at a garage sale the other day, so it will work out perfectly 





Getting the hang of it









Rice Park
Gabriel and Great Grandma

 
 


Monday, December 20, 2010

Gabriel's favorite

Shortly after Gabriel was born, the nurse gave him his first bath in our hospital room. I remember hearing her say to him as he contently allowed her to bathe him,"Do you like having your hair washed?" Little did I know then how very much he would love bath time.

During the weeks when Gabriel was undiagnosed with his pyloric stenosis and he was inconsolable most of the time, one of the things besides constantly holding him that was sure to calm him, was a bath. He would instantly stop crying and become like jelly and just be so content.

Now at almost three months old, I can tell he kind of knows bath time is coming each evening when we take him into the bathroom and turn on the faucet. He immediately calms down. He is becoming so much fun to watch and is like a whole different baby once hes in his little tub. Once he's in he starts moving his whole body around and kicking his legs in such excitement, his little eyes get big and the water splashes all out of the tub, its just so cute to watch, even the older children get a kick out of it.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Let it Snow


Last weekend we put up our Christmas tree and decorated the house. I had gotten a new tree after the season was over last year so I was excited to put it up. It ended up being the perfect size for our small house and it is just as pretty as I expected. It isn't however very photogenic so I didn't get a good picture to put up lol. 
I also had picked up a Rice Krispie Christmas House kit last year and so the children made those this week too, they really like doing those and they have become kind of a tradition each year. Gabriel even got into the spirit even though hes not quite ready to bake.

This week we also decided to sign up for a Sam's club membership so that we can buy the things we use alot of in bulk. Prob and I decided that instead of buying each other Christmas presents this year we would invest in a new TV since ours was pretty small and pretty ancient. We ended up getting a nice TV for a good deal at Sam's club and although I like it, I don't watch alot of TV but the kids sure have taken a liking to it quick. With that said I decided that since today we are in the middle of a blizzard I would send the kids out to shovel and enjoy all the snow. They had a lot of fun.

I am really proud of the kids, at what good people they are growing into. Romeo always wants to shovel when it snows and since the birth of their little brother they have both been such a big help and are always eager to help us with him. Romeo sure made me proud yesterday. We had bought some nutrition drinks in bulk for an older lady friend of ours and we stopped after school to drop them off. Florence(our friend) asked Romeo to just set them on the floor in the garage, his response was, why don't you let me carry them in the house for you so that you don't have to lift them later. Florence said they'd be fine there but  he expressed to me later that he wished she would have let him help her because that worried him. I am really glad that my husband is always so helpful to me and is teaching our son how to be a good man. I am also glad that he is showing our daughter what a good man is so that when she grows up she'll have high expectations for any men that come into her life, because even though I love my father, he wasn't there for me in those ways and that has had a big effect on my life. Lucky for me though I ended up with a wonderful man despite my upbringing and so he is making up for that...everyday (-:
 

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The need to talk about it and finding ways to feel better

I had it all planned out. How I wanted this time around to be different. A pregnancy with lots of pictures to remember it, a well planned out birth with my doctor that had to include an epidural since with my first two I had very long and painful labors and settled for weak short lasting pain medication that made labor and delivery unbearable.
I would go into labor at home, get to the hospital, have my epidural and labor would be a good memory this time. This time would be different, I was going to breastfeed my baby even though I had formula fed my other two, we would come home and I would put our new baby on a schedule and within a few weeks everything would be perfect. That was my plan, but things turned out quite different.
After going to an appointment as I mentioned in my last blog entry and being sent to the hospital for an induction all within about a 2 hour time frame, that was the first negative in how I wanted things to go.
I didn't want an induction but I knew it was for the safety of the baby, oh well I thought it'll be ok. The doctor checked my cervix and I was 2 1/2 which wasn't enough to start pitocin (medicine to start contractions). He decided to put a medicine called cervadil on my cervix to ripen it for the next morning when he would then start pitocin.

The doctor did mention that some side effects of this could be contractions and ones that could be too strong and too close together but that usually didn't happen but if it did they would have to remove the medicine right away. I thought nothing of it but that the next morning after I recieved the pitocin then I could get my epidural and we'd have our baby by the next evening. The nurse put the little strip of medicine on my cervix and left us to wait for the next morning, that was at 6pm. By 6:30pm I noticed I was having alot of pain and regular contractions. I knew we weren't going to have to wait for the next day. I called the nurse for some pain medicine and she gave me some pills. About a half an hour later the pain was getting worse, I asked her for more medicine because the pills she gave me hadn't helped at all. She then gave me morphine which helped for about 45 minutes but made me extremely tired and dizzy. I got up to use the bathroom and noticed I was bleeding which worried me because I hadn't bled during labor with my other two. I called the nurse in and asked if the bleeding was normal, she said it was and that meant the medicine was doing its job ripening up the cervix. I asked for more pain meds but she didn't think I was ready for that, I knew I needed an epidural because it was just getting so bad. Not too long later (I'm not sure about all this because it was all a blur) she checked me because I was having so much pain and my contractions were every two minutes. (they had been from when they began) I was 4-5 cm already and while she was checking me my water broke. She said well your in labor and that she was going to start getting things ready and she removed the cervadil. I knew I HAD ALREADY been in labor and wondered why she wasn't listening to me about how bad it was and why she hadn't removed the cervadil earlier because it was causing the side effect of too strong and too close contractions.  I asked for the epidural and she said I had to get two bags of IV fluids before they could give me an epidural. WHAT?! I thought. I was barely hanging on at that point. I had this horrible feeling that by the time those 2 bags of fluid were gone it would be too late for an epidural, I already felt an urge to push but I think at that time I was ignoring it because I just had to get that epidural. With each contraction my body tensed up so bad, I felt like my left hip was breaking and my whole body shook in agony. (What I can explain in words can't even compare to what I was feeling)

The nurse tried to start an IV but under all the pressure she blew out my vein and blood was everywhere. I started balling. The pain was so bad I wondered how am I going to live through this. I wanted to die. The nurse then tried again and blew out another one and then another one. I couldn't believe this was happening and while she was apologizing over and over again all I could do was brace myself for each contraction. I had to stand with one hand clenching the bed and the other clenched to my husbands shirt. The nurse finally got an IV after the 4th try. By then I was bleeding bad and she kept putting towels under my feet, I could barely lift my feet for her to do so. I NEEDED AN EPIDURAL, NOW! Frantically she hung the fluids and said that  that after the second bag was close to being gone she would get the doctor to do my epidural.

As what seemed like an eternity for those two big bags to empty, when the second one was close to being gone and she left to get the anesthesiologist, all I could do to get through each contraction was the knowledge that shortly I would have pain relief, that was all that was getting me through. As I sobbed in my husbands chest after many more contractions and a long time, I desperately looked at my husband and asked,"whats taking them so long"? When the nurse finally came back she looked at me and said, "he doesn't want to give it to you." She said because I had visited the doctor 2 weeks earlier for a rapid heartbeat (something that I get often) he wanted to check bloodwork and other things first. WHAT!!! I KNEW IT I SCREAMED! I KNEW I WOULDN'T GET IT. My heart sank, I lost all hope, I never felt so helpless and hopeless in my life, I couldn't do this! I just kept repeating that, I can't do this, the pain was just too unbearable. I felt like vomiting from the pain and I looked the nurse in her face and said," Don't you see how bad I'm suffering"? She looked at me with a look on her face as helpless as I felt and said," I'm trying my best and I will help you get through this." In my mind I thought, you can't help me, nobody can. I begged for the epidural knowing it wasn't coming and even though there was no time for bloodwork they poked me anyway on top of everything else.

The nurse checked me and I was 10cm. I didn't want to do this. I knew this was it though, I had no choice. I started pushing while I was standing but knew I better lay down. I knew that I was the only one who could make this pain go away, I had to get this baby out. I prayed for GOD to help me through and felt a sense of peace knowing that God knew what I was going through, that he had suffered for his children too and that he would get me through this. I pushed with all of me and at 11:21pm my beautiful baby was born.  They layed him on my chest and all the pain was gone, forgotten and such opposite emotions rushed over me. Love, peace, gratefulness.

My doctor got to the hospital too late,the nurse had delivered the baby but my doctor did make it to deliver the placenta. He examined it to make sure there were no missing pieces. He was so disgusted and ashamed that they hadn't given me an epidural, he knew that that was one thing I expressed to him that was a must.

In all the drama my IV had gotten torn out and another vein was ruined, my hand was pouring out blood. After the placenta came out I bled and bled. The nurse massaged my uterus so hard to stop the bleeding and at that point I just wanted everyone to leave me alone.

During my hospital stay of 3 days I had to recieve fluids for a rapid heart rate from being anemic and of course they blew out two more veins trying to start another IV.  They had to have a special nurse get my IV in because they had exhausted all my veins. She said that my veins had gotten so weak from the traumatic labor and thats why that kept happening.

The Head nurse in charge came to talk to me about what had happened with the anesthesiologist and said that my labor and delivery nurse had really advocated on my behalf. The head nurse said that what happened with me not getting my epidural should have never happened and that he would be reprimanded. I didn't know what to say when she gave me the opportunity to express my feelings about my experience. At the time I was just glad it was over and all I could think of was enjoying my baby, I didn't want to think about it.
When I got home though, it hit me hard. My hands and arms were so bruised, I was pale and exhausted from being anemic. That was the beginning of my postpartum depression. All I could think of was how much I went through and it just hurt my heart so much, it wasn't suppose to have been that way.

I had started breastfeeding in the hospital right away as planned and to me it seemed like the baby and I were doing great together the first few days but then for the first 2 weeks I nursed almost constantly. When I got baby weighed at his 2 week checkup he wasn't even back to his birth weight yet. It seemed like he was never getting enough, I started to wonder if I had enough milk and I was so exhausted and started to get anxiety about it. I wasn't eating, sleeping or drinking much because I felt so down.

I started supplementing with formula when he was 2 weeks old  and was going to call it quits but I just couldn't, I wanted to give it my all because it had become very special to me and I wanted it to work.
Breastfeeding turned out to be something I never imagined. During my pregnancy, I thought I would feel weird about breastfeeding and that it wouldn't be for me. I wanted to try it anyway and came to find out I loved the bond it gave us as mother and child, I loved that I was the only one who could give my baby such good nutrition and it came so naturally, it was just what nature intended and I felt very comfortable, proud to be doing it.

At 2 1/2 weeks postpartum I went in for an ultrasound because I was still having a lot of bleeding. They found that I had retained placenta fragments and needed to have surgery to remove them the next day. I was so worried because I had the same problem with my second child and the procedure to remove the placenta the last time almost cost me my life. Luckily the surgery went well and there were no complications. I did however find out that retained placenta can cause a low milk supply and so at 4 weeks postpartum I started taking the herb Fenugreek to try and increase my milk supply. It didn't seem to help and it made the baby and I smell like maple syrup lol!

At 5 weeks postpartum I went to see a lactation consultant and she suggested that I take a prescription drug called Reglan and do alot of pumping and nursing for a week to see if I could build up my milk supply. She wasn't sure I would be able to since I had a rocky start with my milk having had retained placenta and a low hemoglobin which can both adversely affect milk supply especially in the first few weeks which is the most crucial time in establishing a good supply.

Reglan  is a medicine used in people who have slow emptying of the stomach but they found that it has a side effect of raising prolactin in the blood which is the hormone needed for milk production. The lactation consultant said that my doctor may be hesitant to give it to me because it has a known risk of causing severe postpartum depression. I figured I'd be fine since I already started antidepressants again and was starting to feel better emotionally. I started the meds and did notice a small increase in my milk. Then we started having problems with the baby vomiting all the time and being very fussy and difficult. I knew something was wrong with him but the doctors nor my mother believed me. Although I was still trying to breastfeed we were supplementing with a lot of formula too so we thought maybe it had something to do with the formula so we started switching formulas. Nothing helped. Finally the doctors found that the baby had pyloric stenosis, a condition that affects newborns usually during the first 8 weeks of life. The baby had to have surgery to correct it and after that I exclusively pumped breast milk for him while his tummy was healing. I pumped because all his intake had to be measured.

About 2 weeks after his surgery I switched him to soy formula and finally let myself stop breastfeeding. It was so hard but I have been having so much anxiety and my depression seems to be returning(part of which I think was thanks to the Reglan)  that I've had to start my anti-anxiety medications and they are not recommended in breastfeeding. I did get to what is considered pretty close to a full supply, about 27 ounces (my lactation consultant said most woman dont' produce more than about 30oz a day) but that was with alot of pumping and nursing which gave me no time for my other children and that was all I was doing all day.  Also after my lil mans surgery he is trying to catch up and is drinking about 4oz every two hours so even if I wasn't on meds I probably couldn't supply enough to satisfy him anyway.  I did notice that after switching him to soy that his eczema on his face went away and the gurgling he had in his throat is gone too so maybe he did have a bit of an allergy to the regular formula and also to dairy that was passing from me through my breast milk to him. I still feel like I let him down and myself in a way but I just keep telling myself I did my best, gave it my all and that was all I could do, and my best is good enough.

These last few days I have been feeling very down and know that medicine isn't the answer. I want to try better more natural ways to feel better, So tomorrow I am going to try acupuncture. I am actually excited and hope that it will give me some relief. Even though I don't feel like it I want to get back to the gym too because excercise is supposed to help with anxiety.  I also have an appointment to see a therapist to talk about what I have been going through.

It hasn't been easy but I know that I have 4 people that need me and love me and depend on me. They keep me going and right now my focus is on getting better so that I can be the mother and wife that I want to and that they need me to be.