A roaring success

When my first two children were born, I knew I would bottle feed them. I never once considered breastfeeding and no one tried to persuade me to either. Maybe I never considered it because I was only a teenager or because it seemed awkward, I honestly don't know why really but bottlefeeding worked for us at the time.


When I got pregnant with Gabriel a few years back I was a whole different person. 11 years older than when I had Romeo and I decided I would breastfeed this baby. During my pregnancy with him I read books on breastfeeding but in my mind thought, how hard can it be.

When Gabriel was born I immediately began nursing. At one point during our stay a nurse said to me," wow you guys are so good at that together, I can tell you have nursed a baby before." I told her I hadn't and she was very surprised. I did take that as a sign that I  was doing things right and was proud.

The first week home with Gabriel was hard. He seemed like he was starving all the time and wanted to be at the breast constantly even after my milk came in. Even after hours of nursing the minute I'd take him off  he'd fuss. I was terribly engorged and started thinking I didn't have enough milk or that something was wrong with my milk. Little did I know then that he wasn't latching properly to get what he needed and thus not encouraging my body to produce enough milk.

After 2 weeks he hadn't gained any weight so we began supplementing with formula . I didn't seek help from a lactation consultant until 5 weeks postpartum and at that point my supply was very low. I was having postpartum medical problems, a colicky baby with a medical condition that required surgery and postpartum depression from feeling like a failure. I breastfed on and off  until Gabriel was 9 weeks and then with a heavy heavy heart called it quits and switched to bottles exclusively.

A few months later I found out I was pregnant with Dominique. One of the first things that crossed my mind when I found out was, I am going to breastfeed this baby and this time, its GOING to work! I educated myself on breastfeeding through books, talking to lactation people and asking many questions. When Dominique was born I put everything I learned into practice and reminded myself of the mistakes I made with Gabriel. When I was worried about things I didn't hesitate to call the lactation people. At just 2 weeks old he had gained 2 pounds and the doctor and lactation people called us a roaring success. My heart was so happy and proud, we were doing it!

At a little over 2 months postpartum, I found out that I still had retained placenta that a surgery in the previous weeks hadn't gotten all out (a problem I have had with my last 3 pregnancies). Since it was still causing bleeding their only option was to give me a shot of a chemotherapy drug to try and dissolve the rest of it without damaging my fragile uterus. My first question to them was, can I still nurse my baby. The doctors answer was no and this medicine would stay in my body for 3 months. My heart broke into a million pieces.

I called Prob and told him that I didn't want to take the medicine, that I loved nursing my baby and he loved it too. I worked so hard and this was such a bonding experience that I couldn't imagine giving up after we had come so far. Prob was more concerned about me and said well you have to for your health.He didn't get it, no one did.

I decided that I was going to find a way to take care of me and not give up nursing. I called my lactation consultant and asked them about the medication and nursing. They told me that I only had to stop nursing for one week after the meds and that I could keep up my supply by pumping everytime he had a bottle and dumping it out. I was so so happy to hear this. So that is what we did. For a week Prob fed the baby with a bottle while I pumped and dumped. Dominique was miserable that whole week with an upset stomach. I was so scared that he was going to forget how to nurse and that pumping wouldn't sufficiently keep my supply up.

When a week had passed and it was time for his first feeding, I was so anxious. I put him to my breast and almost heard a sigh of relief. His tiny body relaxed and he nursed like he hadn't ever stopped. My milk supply was just fine and he was so content, me too.

Now here we are almost a year later and im proud to say that other than that one week, Dominique hasn't ever had a bottle, wont take one and really has no idea what to do with one. We are still a roaring success in my eyes. I get so many compliments on still nursing and take them openly and proudly.

As I write this with my nursing baby in my arms I am so thankful for answered prayers, perseverance, strength and the beauty of nature. I get sad sometimes that Gabe and I missed out on nursing longer but I also look at it this way; he still loves me anyway and if we had continued nursing there would be no Dominique.

Everything happens for a reason.

When it rains it pours but that's okay

Winter in Minnesota this year has been quite mild, probably the mildest since I can remember with hardly any snow. Tuesday and Wednesday  we were suppose to get a "snow storm" which turned out to be some snow that turned into instant slush because of the warm weather.  Well last night both our vehicles ended up getting ticketed and towed for being plowed in and it was ridiculous considering there wasn't really anything but slush in the roads.Usually Prob is really good about knowing when the plows will be out and moves our vehicles since we don't have off street parking or a garage, but he assumed with such a small amount of snow, they wouldnt be plowing.  My thoughts are with such a mild winter and this being the first real snow of the winter they seized the opportunity to plow, tow and catch up on their quota for the year, ugh! Anyway, its not like any of my thoughts matter because either way it still cost 550 dollars to get our cars out.

Another bill we managed to rack up yesterday, 100 dollars bailing our two running loose pooches outta the pound plus orders to renew their licenses and rabies vaccs.  Did I mention the transmission on our van we bought a month ago went out and we had to shell out 3600 for that too? Or that the blower for the heat in the van went out too. What do you do though. Suck it up I guess and move on and be thankful we are healthy, it could be worse, much worse. Still sucks though.

Romeo's basketball team made it all the way to the championship and came in second place only losing by two. It was such an exciting final game and I really enjoyed watching him in his first season playing, learn so much about the game and really take pride in it, he has definitly found his sport. It has also given him and Prob something to do together that they both like and im glad. Gabriel has even started to love basketball and can shoot a basket, he is so cute, he calls it B-ball.

My sweet little Dominique has suffered with acid reflux since birth and a few months ago he started meds that have helped him feel so much better but they are not without side effects. They cause vomiting and even though they say its not a side effect I think they give him really bad insomnia. He doesn't nap much during the day and at night he still wakes up like a newborn to nurse. I have been debating doing a trial off the meds but I just think that the benefits of the meds outweigh the side effects but im just sooo tired so I don't know. Other than that he is such a good baby and fits in so well with us and loves his mommy so much!

I went for my 3 month checkup after I had gotten the chemotherapy drug to dissolve the rest of the placenta that was still in my uterus and ultrasound showed its still in there. Doctor said its all calcified and inactive so I guess its fine that its there which is good since she said it'll be there forever. She reminded me how very lucky I am to have made it through my last 3 pregnancies without losing my uterus or more importantly my life. Her words were, dont take your luck for granted because it will run out.

You know, Prob asked me why I have been so nonchalant about it each time and asked me, arent you scared?  I guess I wasn't, because I knew it was in God's hands and I never doubted he would get us through it. I look at my children everyday and am so in love and would go through it all over again in a heartbeat for them.So when we are going through bad times I realize I need to just be thankful.

Thank you God for taking care of me, Thank you that I am here to buy a car just to have to fix it, to pick up runaway dogs, to watch our last dollar go to get our cars out of impound. Thank you Lord for the good days and the bad and for being here with me through it all. Amen