The 4 I am thinking of today

The first person I have to say I thought of today was my Great Grandmother Lorraine. She passed away in 2005, I was with her, I was 20 years old. At the time of her death, I wasn't sad, she had the strongest Faith in God than anyone I ever met and would always tell us we never had to worry when she passed, that she was going where she belonged, home to the Lord. That was her legacy,a great love for God, Jesus her savior and to share his gift with her family. As I've grown older and closer to God, I realize I miss her more now and wish I could have a relationship with her now than I ever did when she was alive. I wish she was here to give me advice, study the Bible with and answer questions that I'd only trust to ask someone that knew Jesus so well. I wish then, when I was younger I had a closer relationship with her. I do feel very lucky though that I was able to have known my great grandmother for 20 years and my 2 oldest children got to know their great great grandmother for 5 and 2 years. Most people would say that's pretty remarkable because most will never get that chance.

The second one is someone I never got a chance to meet. In January of 2002, we lost a baby to miscarriage. It was such a sad thing to go through. Now having 4 children I think of the  life that could have been and wonder if our little one would have been a boy or a girl,who they might have looked/been like and the love I missed out on sharing with them.I carry the memory of my second baby in my heart and know we will meet in heaven one day.

The third person is my Uncle Mike. He passed away almost 3 years ago and although we weren't close he came to me for help to get the diagnosis of what eventually was the reason he passed. During his struggle with cancer we probably spent more time with him in the 9 months before he passed than ever before. I am glad we were able to have that time, even if it was mostly sadness, im glad we were there for him.

Last and most importantly, I remember God, Jesus and the amazing sacrifice for us all. I am so thankful for Forgiveness,Hope,Joy, Grace and Peace that came with that.

Today, I hope that the memories of your loved ones give you comfort.
A funny thing my Great Grandma use to say to us was,"Give me flowers now, I don't want flowers when I am gone, I want them while I am alive".

So remember to give the people you love flowers now, love them and make lots of good memories.

Changes

It has been quite awhile since I have blogged. I have been thinking a lot lately about the best ways to use my time since there never seems to be enough. I like the idea of blogging however it  falls on the bottom of my priority list which I never get that far most days.

One big thing I have decided to try to get away from is Facebook. I find when I am bored or have a few extra minutes I tend to hit that pretty blue icon on my fancy smancy cell phone and check out whats going on in the world of many people I haven't seen since my elementary days. We all know it can be quite addicting. Although peoples lives can be quite interesting, funny, drama filled, etc, I find it strange that I know so much about people I don't REALLY know, if you know what I mean. I like reading what my family/close friends post, but I talk to them on a regular basis anyways. More than that I realize how little time their is in a day and I'd much rather take those 20minutes or so that I would otherwise be on FB, to read my bible, catch a cat nap or talk with my family. With that said I deactivated my account in hopes that I will use that time for the better and keep all the strangers lives a mystery, as they should be. I hope I can stay away, seriously, because I really do enjoy Facebook but just because you enjoy something, doesn't make it good for you.

Gabriel <3

Watching his big brother make something with the glue gun

My sweet baby

Me and my girl

Romeo and his buddy at the 6th grade send off party,so much fun!

Another change I am trying to make is spending QUALITY time with my children and not just being here. It is so easy to be present but not interact. I found that growing up and even now there was a lot of that. So instead of trying to tackle everything that needs to be done im trying to relax and play a little more. Everyday I take Gabriel outside to play and leave the chores for later. I make more simple meals so there is more time to spend. Instead of saying No to the children, that I have to do this or that, my new goal is to say YES as much as possible Instead of Mommy's having time to herself in her room, its been sure you can come in and cuddle and my time comes shortly after when they go to bed.

Having a 12 year old and a 9 year old helped me to realize how short a time our children stay small and I am embracing that fact by enjoying every moment of Dom and Gabriel being little, even Rome and Liv I keep that mindset, they seem smaller to me now then when they were younger because then I didn't realize how small they really were, now I do and  in 5 more years ill look back to now and say." look how little you were"...so... that's where I've been, enjoying my babies, making the most of each moment and working on ever improving. And just so you know I love my role as a Mommy, I do, I really do.

When it rains it pours but that's okay

Winter in Minnesota this year has been quite mild, probably the mildest since I can remember with hardly any snow. Tuesday and Wednesday  we were suppose to get a "snow storm" which turned out to be some snow that turned into instant slush because of the warm weather.  Well last night both our vehicles ended up getting ticketed and towed for being plowed in and it was ridiculous considering there wasn't really anything but slush in the roads.Usually Prob is really good about knowing when the plows will be out and moves our vehicles since we don't have off street parking or a garage, but he assumed with such a small amount of snow, they wouldnt be plowing.  My thoughts are with such a mild winter and this being the first real snow of the winter they seized the opportunity to plow, tow and catch up on their quota for the year, ugh! Anyway, its not like any of my thoughts matter because either way it still cost 550 dollars to get our cars out.

Another bill we managed to rack up yesterday, 100 dollars bailing our two running loose pooches outta the pound plus orders to renew their licenses and rabies vaccs.  Did I mention the transmission on our van we bought a month ago went out and we had to shell out 3600 for that too? Or that the blower for the heat in the van went out too. What do you do though. Suck it up I guess and move on and be thankful we are healthy, it could be worse, much worse. Still sucks though.

Romeo's basketball team made it all the way to the championship and came in second place only losing by two. It was such an exciting final game and I really enjoyed watching him in his first season playing, learn so much about the game and really take pride in it, he has definitly found his sport. It has also given him and Prob something to do together that they both like and im glad. Gabriel has even started to love basketball and can shoot a basket, he is so cute, he calls it B-ball.

My sweet little Dominique has suffered with acid reflux since birth and a few months ago he started meds that have helped him feel so much better but they are not without side effects. They cause vomiting and even though they say its not a side effect I think they give him really bad insomnia. He doesn't nap much during the day and at night he still wakes up like a newborn to nurse. I have been debating doing a trial off the meds but I just think that the benefits of the meds outweigh the side effects but im just sooo tired so I don't know. Other than that he is such a good baby and fits in so well with us and loves his mommy so much!

I went for my 3 month checkup after I had gotten the chemotherapy drug to dissolve the rest of the placenta that was still in my uterus and ultrasound showed its still in there. Doctor said its all calcified and inactive so I guess its fine that its there which is good since she said it'll be there forever. She reminded me how very lucky I am to have made it through my last 3 pregnancies without losing my uterus or more importantly my life. Her words were, dont take your luck for granted because it will run out.

You know, Prob asked me why I have been so nonchalant about it each time and asked me, arent you scared?  I guess I wasn't, because I knew it was in God's hands and I never doubted he would get us through it. I look at my children everyday and am so in love and would go through it all over again in a heartbeat for them.So when we are going through bad times I realize I need to just be thankful.

Thank you God for taking care of me, Thank you that I am here to buy a car just to have to fix it, to pick up runaway dogs, to watch our last dollar go to get our cars out of impound. Thank you Lord for the good days and the bad and for being here with me through it all. Amen

The foundation of a family

What makes up a good strong family? With blogs and Facebook and all the other ways to see into others lives these days without having to even know someone, we get a picture painted of what goes on in the lives of others. There is always the people who complain and seem to just be miserable 24/7, but more often I read lots of good things and am happy that it seems so many people are so happy with their lives. Truthfully, I'd be lying if I didn't say it makes me a little jealous at times. I think to myself, how come it seems so easy for them to juggle kids, work, hobbies, a house, a relationship and never have a problem? Then I snap back to reality. It isn't.

Most of the time we like to share what people like to hear, we like to paint a perfect picture. Who wants to see a big mess anyway? Truth is, everyone has problems, whether they only the share the good things, they have them, I guarantee. Just to clarify, we are no different here, in case you haven't guessed.

Lately my struggle has been with our family foundation. First off God is our foundation, but so are we, the parents, Prob and I. Its been so easy to put us on the back burner, especially with the unexpected 2 additions to our family within a year. Stress, fatigue,being busy and unresolved issues that we have ignored for far too long have threatened our foundation.

I realized something and that is why I am sharing this with you. I realized that in the midst of everyday life, you HAVE to take the time to take care of the foundation of your life or everything you care about will come tumbling down before your eyes. Instead of trying to pretend like everything is perfect, instead of just focusing on the kids and thinking it will just get better,that things will change, take the time to work on it. Upkeep is alot easier than waiting til everything is broken. What makes up a good strong family is the foundation. A foundation of love, helping each other, talking about things that bother you. resolving issues, changing, keeping it real...everyday.

We are rebuilding, and it isn't going to be easy, I can already tell you its an uphill battle but we are willing to do it because its worth it to us, just wish we would have done the upkeep. Remember this, you can fool anyone you want, even yourself, but instead, live by this, one of my favorite quotes.
 "Be who you would like to seem"

There will always be problems, no matter what. All I'm saying is, do all you can to be the family you write about, Facebook about, read about. Most importantly don't neglect your foundation.

The past 7 weeks

Been thinking a lot about getting a post on here since the last but thinking and getting it done are two very different things I am learning theses days. Life with 4, specifically life with 2 little ones so close in age is busy busy busy!

To get you up to speed on what we have been doing for the past few weeks lets start from the beginning. About a week and a half after having Dominique I went in and they discovered once again I had retained placenta. I had surgery to remove it but at my post op check a week later they discovered they hadn't gotten it all. Pathology on what they did get showed placenta and muscle meaning it was a focal placenta accreta. I had this before and luckily although I did have alot of blood loss they were able to control it. They decided not to chance another surgery since they would risk putting a hole in my very thin uterus and causing some major problems so they decided to give me treatment with a chemotherapy drug in the hopes that it would dissolve whatever was left behind. I went in a few weeks later and it was still there. So they want me to go back 3 months from when I got the shot and check to see if it has dissolved.(I guess that's how long the shot stays in your system) Its not causing me any major problems except for the annoyance of still bleeding some but I'm hopeful it will dissolve because I had this treatment before and it worked.

At 2 weeks of age Dominique was still struggling with jaundice and a very low hemoglobin from the antibodies attacking his red blood cells, so our little guy had to have a blood transfusion. His hemoglobin, we found out just the other day  is finally rising so that is a huge relief to know his body is ridding the antibodies. Our little precious baby is 2 months old today and growing like a weed. His last weight was 13pds last week. I feel so proud that all that growth comes from me since breastfeeding is going amazing!

Gabriel has adjusted very well to his baby brother, kinda like he has always been here. We are just trying to teach him to be more gentle with his touch. Romeo has recently started basketball and has been really worn out but he sure is enjoying it. I am so glad he is starting to want to get involved in sports! Olivia has been decorating for the holidays and got her and Gabriel's room all festive with a tree, lights and decorations. The only problem is Gabe really likes to mess with it all!

 Prob recently got his citizenship so that was a very exciting day for him! My mom got him a cute cake. Other than that just trying to keep up with the housework and get a shower in each day. I am home more than ever now because taking two babies anywhere (especially when one is at a stage where he is mobile, yet doesn't understand much) is just way too much to handle alone. 

Gabriel playing in the snow for the first time!

 Lately my thoughts seem to be mostly about family, how I can make each day special and meaningful with my children and about being mindful about being present in the moment and enjoying it for what it is because you can never get time back that you waste. I have also been thinking about the meaning of Christmas and something we can do as a family to bring joy to others in this special season. The children and I have come up with a few ideas so I am looking forward to it. 

The gang and their cousins on halloween

Dom's footprint on his first pumpkin

 Gabriel's first time trick or treating, you should have seen him go, one of the moments that makes motherhood so special!

Stationery card

Heaven Above Boy Birth Announcement

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A new life begins

What a different experience from last year. A very different experience from my first 3 labor and deliveries. Finally

My water broke about 7pm on October 5th  while celebrating Romeos 12th  birthday at my mothers house with all of us, my mother and grandmother. After getting to the hospital and settling in everything went smoothly from there. I got my long awaited epidural and delivered my beautiful baby boy. It was such an amazing experience to go through without all the pain and suffering. I almost had no pain at all. I think the worst was getting the IV'S and the allergic reaction I had to the antibiotics they had given me. After the placenta delivered we had a bit of a scare with a rapid blood loss, low blood pressure and a case of the after delivery shakes. The very well trained staff got it under control with some medications and fundal massage though and everything was ok.

A Moment you wish could last forever

Dominique Nisay(Cambodian for, " Loved from afar; love at first sight") was born October 6th 2011 @ 5:24am weighing 7lbs 6oz and 20 1/2 inches long. We spent 3 days at the hospital because of jaundice in the baby, he had to be treated with the phototherapy and was sent home on a "Bilibed" for continued jaundice treatment. We have been to the doctor everyday to have bilirubun levels checked and they continue to rise. His hemoglobin also has dropped a bit. Tomorrow if the levels are up he will have to have more aggressive treatment with the hospital grade phototherapy but the pediatrician said the medical supply company can bring that to our house.

Its a bit hard because the only time he has been able to be out of the therapy bed is to be fed. Hopefully his numbers start going down so we can all snuggle him soon and hold him all the time. His jaundice and hemoglobin problems have been related to the whole antibody issues we had during the pregnancy. I never would have thought that would affect him after he was born but I think its just a small bump in the road. He'll get better and be ok.

This time around breastfeeding is going smoothly, the baby is latching great, gaining weight and thriving. While we were at the hospital my mother did all of our laundry, cleaned the house and welcomed us home with great meals. She even exercised the dogs. I don't know what we'd do without her. Prob also had and has been doing a great job taking care of the older kids, nurturing Gabriel and loving me. We were having a bit of a rocky road before the baby was born but his birth has been such a bonding experience for us. I saw a quote the other day that fits just that;

 “Children make you want to start life over.”

~Muhammad Ali

I like that, and that's how I feel, like Dominique is a new start for us, our relationship, our family. A new start for me with a better experience to remember and best of all the beginning of a precious new life. We may not have expected for our family to grow so quickly but I guess we never know where life will take us and I am glad we are here. Welcome to the world beautiful Dominique, Welcome.