When my first two children were born, I knew I would bottle feed them. I never once considered breastfeeding and no one tried to persuade me to either. Maybe I never considered it because I was only a teenager or because it seemed awkward, I honestly don't know why really but bottlefeeding worked for us at the time.
When I got pregnant with Gabriel a few years back I was a whole different person. 11 years older than when I had Romeo and I decided I would breastfeed this baby. During my pregnancy with him I read books on breastfeeding but in my mind thought, how hard can it be.
When Gabriel was born I immediately began nursing. At one point during our stay a nurse said to me," wow you guys are so good at that together, I can tell you have nursed a baby before." I told her I hadn't and she was very surprised. I did take that as a sign that I was doing things right and was proud.
The first week home with Gabriel was hard. He seemed like he was starving all the time and wanted to be at the breast constantly even after my milk came in. Even after hours of nursing the minute I'd take him off he'd fuss. I was terribly engorged and started thinking I didn't have enough milk or that something was wrong with my milk. Little did I know then that he wasn't latching properly to get what he needed and thus not encouraging my body to produce enough milk.
After 2 weeks he hadn't gained any weight so we began supplementing with formula . I didn't seek help from a lactation consultant until 5 weeks postpartum and at that point my supply was very low. I was having postpartum medical problems, a colicky baby with a medical condition that required surgery and postpartum depression from feeling like a failure. I breastfed on and off until Gabriel was 9 weeks and then with a heavy heavy heart called it quits and switched to bottles exclusively.
A few months later I found out I was pregnant with Dominique. One of the first things that crossed my mind when I found out was, I am going to breastfeed this baby and this time, its GOING to work! I educated myself on breastfeeding through books, talking to lactation people and asking many questions. When Dominique was born I put everything I learned into practice and reminded myself of the mistakes I made with Gabriel. When I was worried about things I didn't hesitate to call the lactation people. At just 2 weeks old he had gained 2 pounds and the doctor and lactation people called us a roaring success. My heart was so happy and proud, we were doing it!
At a little over 2 months postpartum, I found out that I still had retained placenta that a surgery in the previous weeks hadn't gotten all out (a problem I have had with my last 3 pregnancies). Since it was still causing bleeding their only option was to give me a shot of a chemotherapy drug to try and dissolve the rest of it without damaging my fragile uterus. My first question to them was, can I still nurse my baby. The doctors answer was no and this medicine would stay in my body for 3 months. My heart broke into a million pieces.
I called Prob and told him that I didn't want to take the medicine, that I loved nursing my baby and he loved it too. I worked so hard and this was such a bonding experience that I couldn't imagine giving up after we had come so far. Prob was more concerned about me and said well you have to for your health.He didn't get it, no one did.
I decided that I was going to find a way to take care of me and not give up nursing. I called my lactation consultant and asked them about the medication and nursing. They told me that I only had to stop nursing for one week after the meds and that I could keep up my supply by pumping everytime he had a bottle and dumping it out. I was so so happy to hear this. So that is what we did. For a week Prob fed the baby with a bottle while I pumped and dumped. Dominique was miserable that whole week with an upset stomach. I was so scared that he was going to forget how to nurse and that pumping wouldn't sufficiently keep my supply up.
When a week had passed and it was time for his first feeding, I was so anxious. I put him to my breast and almost heard a sigh of relief. His tiny body relaxed and he nursed like he hadn't ever stopped. My milk supply was just fine and he was so content, me too.
Now here we are almost a year later and im proud to say that other than that one week, Dominique hasn't ever had a bottle, wont take one and really has no idea what to do with one. We are still a roaring success in my eyes. I get so many compliments on still nursing and take them openly and proudly.
As I write this with my nursing baby in my arms I am so thankful for answered prayers, perseverance, strength and the beauty of nature. I get sad sometimes that Gabe and I missed out on nursing longer but I also look at it this way; he still loves me anyway and if we had continued nursing there would be no Dominique.
Everything happens for a reason.
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